Well allow me, if you may, to take you to a strange and wonderful place known as The Land of Smiles. I've written before about the charms and misadventures of country living. Know I will indulge you with the ......well, sleazier (fun) part.
This time I stayed right in the heart of the red light district. If you are a person who enjoys people watching, It simply can't be beat to find a place down on Sukhumvit Soi 4 to park your ass and watch everything that saunters, jiggles, gimps or strolls by.
For those of you who have never been to a place like this, it is quite a fascinating treat to behold.I know, I know, there are quite a few of you who's initial thought is that of disgust and pity. But desensitization is fairly simple after several years. Now to be clear, I am not promoting the "working girls." However it is a third world country where a college graduate at an entry level position will make around $300-$350 per month. A descent prostitute here can make $2000-4000 USD a month...You don't have to be in Casey's math classes to figure out the bottom line here. If I could make that kind of money in Thailand, I would be all over it, alas, there hasn't been much demand for overweight, bald, old guys yet, But I'm always keeping my ear to the street !!
So anywho, the wife and I will go and pick out a place in the middle of all the action. Usually an outdoor bar and grill that is covered to protect you from the sudden downpours. grab some drinks and grub, and then start one of our favorite games....Is it a man or woman ? Usually it will be clear who is right or wrong, but we always keep the waitress close by to settle any real disputes. The waitresses see these same people everyday, so they know. The next thing we try to figure out is if the guy who is with them knows "what " he is with.
The ladyboys can be a pushy lot. Very aggressive. Yes I speak from personal experience on the matter. They also don't care if you are with your wife or family, I've seen and been approached by Ladyboys while with my wife. One time this ladyboy steps in front of me, blocking my way. "Hey, where are you going?" Me .."well no where at the moment" her "You want some company ?" Me .."well I don't think my wife would like that" MY WIFE>>>" No, it's ok, go ahead, I will wait" Of course she is joking, if it were a woman, she would almost certain say some sharp words to her...Since it's a ladyboy, she wants to see me struggle...bitch ! So the ladyboy" See your wife say ok, lets go !" Me.."Whoa whoa whoa !! sorry, but I like women." Her " But I am woman ! " at which point she grabs my hand and puts it on her ample silicon boobs ! Me "Sorry, they feel nice, but you're still a man, no can do !!" Then she made the fatal mistake and said, " I can be more woman than her" and pointed to my wife...Fun time had just come to a screeching halt !! The little lady grabbed me by the hand, said a few things in Thai to the ladyboy..who quickly backed up, then the wife said lets go. End of story lol
So this last time when we are sitting at one of the bars, we are watching people and chatting up with other expats there. This guys is wheeled in by a pooying (young girl) in a wheelchair. He is obviously afflicted with something unpleasant and is paralyzed from the waist down....unfortunately his mouth wasn't paralyzed. Everything started off pleasant enough, but he was British with an attitude. When he found out I was American, he started spouting off. Blah blah blah...America is crap. He just came from Vegas apparently and dropped an assload of money. The last time I was in Vegas I came home about 10k richer. I couldn't wait to rub that in. So I didn't even address him, I told the other guys that were there about my luck. Well the gimp starts going off saying that I am full of shit. No one ever wins that much in Vegas...Game on ! I had already drank a few Jaeger-bombs and brewskies....So I wasn't going to hold back and be politically correct in my tirade on this guy. I remember starting off with something to the effect of " Listen up you gimp piece of shit." and mentioned a few things about how he carried himself around like the world owed him because he was in wheels. Every time he tried to stammer out a few words I cut him off with fun things like tea stained, crooked teeth , scone eating bastard and continued on. When I finished, the 5 or 6 other expats there started clapping lol ! My wife had no clue what I said because of too much slang and speaking too fast and when they clapped, she figured I said some pretty good stuff, even if it sounded angry in tone ! Now the guy is riled, but not much he can do except try to out insult me...Not a chance, I was rolling and told him he needs to cut his losses and head out . He actually did just that ! I also felt some vindication as two of the guys sitting there were also from England. They were laughing their asses off. Or I should say "arses?"
So wow, I just reread that stuff and I actually went way off point from what I wanted to write about ! Oh well, I guess that gives me more material to pull from next week !
"Be excellent to each other and party on dude !"
